What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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