we have officially lost it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
