So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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