You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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