pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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