woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
