What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
