She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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