I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hippo gnu deer
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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