I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
