You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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