just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
