it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize