note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
