the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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