Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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