everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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