Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
