I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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