we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
