have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
