Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Panties = found
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
