their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
