Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
