If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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