i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
