I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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