I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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