it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
