So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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