Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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