hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
