I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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