my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Boobs speak an international language.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
