I have demons in me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
