I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
