I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
