Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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