so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
