areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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