Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
