Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize