so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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