member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
