he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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