OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This is my gift to your gina
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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