I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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