i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
