Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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