Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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