so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
