I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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