I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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