It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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