dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
