they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
