Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
