It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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