Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
