Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
