So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
