I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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