I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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