I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i drank out of a bidet.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
