I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
