is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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